Cat Howell – Playful Millions

A GUIDE ON HOW TO CULTIVATE PLAYFUL MILLIONS

TRANSCRIPT

My journey with money has been a rollercoaster to say the least.

From growing up in scarcity and feeling the financial anxiety that my parents experienced paying bills.

To becoming a stripper and hustling for cash (with nothing to show for when all was said and done).

To being a freelancer, too scared to send invoices and charge my worth.

To making multiple eight figures being overwhelmed and burning out.

It’s been all over the place.

And – after experiencing a mental breakdown in 2020 and walking away from my company – the last two years, I had a sort of strained relationship with money.

BLAMING MONEY FOR MY PROBLEMS

I became cynical of it. I had residual PTSD, if you will, from the experience that I’d had in my company.

For those of you who know my story, I had successfully built a multiple eight figure company, and then when I found myself unfulfilled and trapped, essentially, with depression, I blamed the money. I blamed the money because it felt like it was my pursuit of money that had led me to the mental breakdown, to the suicidal thoughts, to the really dark night of the soul experience that I really wish I hadn’t have gone through.

In hindsight, I’m very grateful for the experience. And even though rationally I had come out of the other end of that, I was feeling well, I started to shed the depression, started to live a very grateful and abundant life in green light, there was still this residual taint around money.

I still subconsciously blamed it, and I resisted it, and I would sneer at people that boasted about their success. I remember going to a friend’s house maybe four months ago. And there was an individual at this house who was very successful and they were talking about how money was just so easy for them, and, “I got no money problems,” and I remember it triggering me and I couldn’t place my finger, and I was in a way in denial about it at the time. It triggered me because it was the relationship I once had with money, but I no longer had that.

We belittle the successful because it helps us to ease the internal dissonance – the jealously – it helps us to feel better about our own lack of progress

So I was jealous of this person and I was looking for reasons why maybe they weren’t happy in their lives. “Oh well, they must have a miserable relationship or they must be messed up here.”

As so many of us do. We will see wealthy people driving nice cars or having successes. And the immediate train of thought is, “How can I put this person down to make myself feel better to alleviate this internal dissonance, this pressure?”

Which is what I experienced, but it wasn’t conscious. So I wasn’t fully aware of it. And something interesting was also happening at this time in my life, where for the individuals that were inside of the Flow Protocols, they witnessed this first hand where I was really oscillating. I was denying being a coach. I was saying to friends or anyone that was in my circles going, “I’m going to be an author. I don’t want to be a coach anymore. I’m tired of coaching. I’m tired of the coaching industry.”

And yet, no matter how many times I would say this, somehow I would always end up doing a webinar or getting pulled back into it. It was like I gravitated always towards this industry. I am a natural teacher. I’m a natural coach. I’m a natural storyteller. And I know that my stories compel people. They create catalysts of consciousness. But I was denying this part of myself and it felt, again, like a dissonance inside something uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be a coach anymore, but I couldn’t pinpoint why I was rejecting this part of myself.

Then, a month ago, I did a ritual with some friends and it was like coffee poured overhead. It suddenly made so much sense to me what had been happening.

You see, my superpower, where I really shine as a mentor, has always been my relationship with money, my mindset, my calibration, the way I receive and the way I spend money.

EMBODYING MY SUPERPOWER

I have made so many millionaires and I make people a lot of money when they come into my circle. It changes their own beliefs about what’s possible for them. It changes their own paradigms. It shifts things massively. And because I was denying money and I had this residual PTSD and I was cynical about it, I felt like it was money’s fault, I blamed it, this resource, essentially I couldn’t fully own this coach part of myself, this mentor, because that is my superpower.

And granted, four years ago in my company I was showing up under the guise of, “I’m going to help you make money in your agency, or if you’re a freelancer,” and in many ways, that’s why I got bored of the conversation because my message, my story was so much bigger than that. It was so much more powerful than just freelancers and agency owners. And I felt stuck and I felt trapped. it also didn’t include the message of wellbeing as much – so this was a lesson I needed to learn in order to become and even better mentor to those around me.

But it was not the money’s fault. I see that so clearly now. Blaming the money was like blaming air. It’s like blaming water. It’s like blaming diamonds. It’s like blaming any resource. It makes no sense.

When we have these weird red light emotions around cash, we got to remember, we’re directing that towards a resource. It makes no sense to feel shame or guilt or cynical or pissed off or frustrated around a resource. When we don’t even think about air, it doesn’t even cross our mind. And yet air is far more life giving than money, in many ways. It’s far more important to your life. As is water. You don’t even think twice the fact that you turn on a tap and you got clean water ready to drink right there. `That’s magic right there. But we don’t even think about it. We take it for granted. It comes to us with ease, without effort.

And then this other resource, there’s so many mixed up emotions around it. We’re all twisted. And that’s the way I got about it. I blamed this resource, but it wasn’t the resource. I had simply forgotten myself, period. Plain and simple. I had created conditions around my wellbeing and I used money as a scapegoat because it was easier than to look in the mirror and go, “No girl, it’s you. You need to own your shit right now. Nobody made you feel trapped but you. That was not money that did that. You are never trapped. And the fact that you believed yourself trapped only showed that you’d really forgotten who you were, because we’re never trapped. That’s always an illusion.”

We’re never stuck.

So when I made this realization during this ritual, it was just like, “Oh my God. It was like one of those scenes in a movie where the dog is on the hill and the owner, and it’s like the dog is running towards the owner with its tail wagging and I was like, “I’m so sorry I pushed you away.”

It makes me laugh and cry when I think about it just now, because it’s just like…

My relationship with money is so glorious to me. It’s so nurturing to me.

It’s amazing. I love money. I love it.

I love it because I get to fly people I love from across the world to attend retreats with me or to spend time with me. I get to support projects of people I deeply care about. I get to support entire industries by hiring people. I get to experience life on a deeper level. I get to take away those messed up red light circuits around money from my children and really empower them. It’s glorious.

But four or five months ago, if I was in a room and somebody said to me, “I love money,” I would’ve been like, “Gross, ew, who fucking says shit like that.” And that just showed my own internal dialogue and beliefs, and obviously you’re not going to receive a lot of money if that’s the way you feel about it. If you feel like, “Ew, that’s gross. That’s such a capitalistic thing to say. Nasty.”

The irony was that consciously I was striving to make money. I was like, “Why can’t I make as much money, the multiple eight figures that came with ease in my business before? How come?” Spinning my wheels going, “What’s different? What am I doing different?”

Well, the difference was, first of all, I didn’t think there was a freaking problem with my money before! I didn’t have that calibration, that resonance towards it, that attitude. I was so grateful for every penny coming in. I was celebrating the fuck out of every penny. It was glorious and it compounded in such a fabulous way in my life. And by me simply embodying this, I pulled people into their own beautiful relationships with money. People that came into my circles in my masterminds, in my retreats, that hung around my world, even just listening to the content I put out, it made them pop and make those same realizations. And when you give money to good people, everybody benefits, period. There’s nothing greedy or shameful about it. This is the resource that allows the expansion of expression of desires, and your desires come straight from source, period. There’s no bloody shame around it.

So I’ve had a massive calibration in the last month. It’s been very recent, actually. And what’s funny is even before that calibration, my bare minimum was still 20K a month. That was the minimum acceptable rate that I had normalized, which is still extremely high compared to most people. But I kept saying, “Why can’t I go to the 300K months that I used to command to myself? Why can’t I do that?” But then behind the scenes, I’m like, “Fuck you, money. I hate you for what you did to me.” Well, that’s why it wasn’t working. The moment I made this realization and I welcomed this puppy running across the hill and just like, “Ah, my bestie.”

And I know that’s going to trigger some people. Some people are going to be like, “That’s nasty, Cat. How can you say money is your bestie? That’s so shallow.” Yeah, exactly. Look at that story you’re telling yourself. That’s exactly what I was saying, and my friend, if that’s the way you feel, I promise you, you’re resisting cash. You’re resisting receiving it, 100%.

As soon as I made that calibration, it was like night and day with my financials, and I’m now normalizing $4,000 days. It’s so easy, so in play, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And I’ve gone through almost every relationship with money. I’ve gone through the relationship where I never had any, where we lived in ghetto apartment blocks as kids with duct tape in our kitchen to catch cockroaches and hallways that smelled like garbage disposals, to my parents always stressing out and really feeling that as a kid and really believing that it took hard work or luck and that it probably would never happen to me.

And then I was a stripper in my teens, and it was like the hustle mentality, using my body, using my time, hustle, hustle, hustle. Work, work, work. Hustle, hustle, hustle.

And then I was financially dependent on my ex, and that was really uncomfortable. I really hated that. Having to ask someone else if I could buy something and feeling guilty and having to hide shoes under the bed that I had purchased.

And then I became an entrepreneur, and again, I reinforced this hustle mentality, spinning my wheels, sacrifice, was never there for my kids when they were born. And I made a lot of money and there was definitely a period in my business where I was deep in flow and the money came with ease and really fast, but I fell into overwhelm with that very, very fast, and it became like I was addicted to the struggle type of thing with cash.

And I couldn’t believe that I could just deserve it without effort, with ease. That was the belief that I really struggled to shed at that stage. I was making a lot of money. Some months I was taking in $300,000 salary, take home salary. Just let that sink in for a minute. I didn’t even know what to do with that. And guess what? I had nothing to show for at the end of the day as well, because I hadn’t normalized having that much money in my life. It was like I had to get… I spent it.

To now having this relationship with money where it’s just play, it’s flow, it’s so easy. I can’t even believe it in a way. I believe it fully, obviously, that’s why it’s happening to me. But I’m like, “How did I subscribe to what I was subscribed to before for so long? For so long?”

And I’m telling you, it has nothing to do with how many followers I have or how many people on my email list, because I had all those things before and I didn’t have this relationship like this. So it was a belief, it was a code, a source code within myself. And I know that that is my super power. I feel it so deeply, this relationship I have with money, this easiness, that is what I’m here. For the moment. Maybe there’s a bigger story yet to come from me. But for the moment I feel it in my bones. This is my dharmic purpose in a way. I feel it in my bones because I know that when I empower people to great wealth, to playful millions, to cultivate this relationship with money, it creates ripples of consciousness that benefits everybody in the world, period.

Because I firmly believe that my success never minimizes your own success. My success enhances your success and vice versa. It’s not a pie. It’s not finite. It’s infinite because it’s just a measurement of value. And as long as there’s two people around, there is infinite ways to create value. That’s the truth. But we have so many messed up stories about what money is. And those beliefs are really what keep us from cultivating and having and receiving the money that we desire. That we believe it has to be hard, where we believe that we’re greedy for wanting more, especially when there’s COVID and so many people suffering and wars, and who are you to want more? Shame.

We believe that there’s a sacrifice so that we have to toil away for seven years or that we need a big audience or certain things and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So many stories we tell ourselves, it’s crazy. And now that I’ve calibrated to this space, even the members in the coven, it’s been like night and day, just breaking financial milestones just from me, embodying it and accepting it and being with it. And I was really in denial before that. It’s about wellbeing, fuck the money. Yeah, actually the conversation of money is much bigger than money, it is about wellbeing, because this resource, when it is cultivated from green light, a high alchemy state of love, play, or flow, that’s the way you receive it and cultivate it with ease in a way that benefits all. So yes, wellbeing is the foundational conversation to cultivating wealth.

But it’s not, “Oh, it’s wellbeing OR the money.” It’s not one or the other. It’s both. It’s wellbeing, and, guess what, you get to fulfill every desire you have on that list, and when you’re doing it from the space of wellbeing, guess what, it feels so fucking good.

It doesn’t feel like what I felt when I was depressed, which was like, “Oh my God, it’s never going to be enough.” I was finally in a loving relationship, but I was lonely. I made multiple eight figures, I was crushing it financially, but I felt like it was never enough. Now I needed a hundred million. Now I needed more. But it wasn’t from this exciting, grateful space of like, “Yes, now I get to expand even more.” It was like, “Oh my God, I’m exhausted, and I’m never going to be happy.” There’s a subtle difference, but it makes all the difference.

So this is the resonance, this is the calibration. A month ago I made the decision… And I made this decision before this hit me. I led the way. I led the way in my reality. I said to myself, “I’m going to run a workshop called Money Magic.” And then almost immediately I had this revelation just hitting me. And it feels so aligned. It’s a whole vibe.

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